Trash Talk

Oh you’ve gotta love it. A fisherman’s dream. Maggots galore. White squirmy lil’ suckers crawling and wriggling happily amongst the trash and compost multiplying in numbers as the heat soars. Even sticking the trash can in the shade doesn’t slow them down. What’s even better is the look of disgust amongst young teenage girls as they walk down the street after the garbage has been seized. Lids stay open and the grinning worms have a field day watching the girls go by.

Birds don’t care about the girls’ squeamishness as they swoop down to help themselves to a tasty morsel.   But in the searing heat they don’t last long on the hot rims of the plastic bins to do a thorough job of cleaning up. Thank you Mr. Mayor for the fisherman’s dream.

Before that dream is dashed with added taxes of collecting these maggots for medical therapy though, maybe the “artsy” side of the absurd title St. Albert has been taxed . . . . uh, branded with should be looked at. It’s a sure thing that the creative types can make some kind of ‘botanical’ mural out of the various sizes and stages of maggot larvae for all to appreciate. Hang it at St. Albert entrances right next to St. Albert’s “lovely” new name and expensive logo. It comes from residents’ hearts at no cost to the ever increasing load placed on taxpayers. Call it “community involvement”, if you will. Yeah, that sounds cozy.

Of course the critics will pounce and say ‘Disgusting. That’s only in the summer. You’ve got nothing to complain about in the winter.’ HAH! It’s even more fun for everyone then.

Garbage day comes. The pick-up artists manage to arrange the bins in odd patterns on the snow covered streets. As winter progresses, the bins creep further onto the road. What a pleasure for the keen driver. Start at one end of the street. Eye the course. Rev the engine temptingly. Get a serious look in your eyes as a sly grin crosses your face. Ready. Set. GO!

Your vehicle careens down the street, swerving to the right. Swerving to the left. Missed that can. Missed another one. Man! Just about hit that one. Forty more to go. Oh, no! Oncoming competition ahead. Who’s going to play chicken with what? Garbage bins or vehicles? Whoa! That unsanded black ice answers those questions. Once again, thank you Mr. Mayor for the winter’s entertainment.

Speaking of entertainment, has anyone noticed the extra colourful refuse floating around the city after pick-up day? Colourful flyers, boxes of various shapes and sizes, plastic bags, candy wrappers, drinking cups, amongst other interesting paraphernalia can be found flying around private and public properties. Looks so festive, doesn’t it? And guess who doesn’t get paid to collect these errant pieces of trash?

And what about those homeless bags? You know. The ones you’ve been collecting for garbage day and lo and behold there’s no room in the bin for them. For all those looking for late night entertainment, be it winter or summer, turn off your lights, open those living room curtains and watch as your neighbours do the “pink panther” pantomime with garbage bag in hand looking for a place to put their homeless bag. And when the “Pink Panther’s” theme song ends, you wonder if you should place a phone call about these late night activities. Nah. Why incur the wrath of a known temperamental deity when another more humourous ending can be found for the poor victim of high garbage billing. You quickly yell out of a window “I’ve got room! I’ve got room!” Lights flicker on in other homes as the poor victim lights up the street in embarrassment quietly waving a thank you for your generosity.

Garbage in, garbage out. Hopefully the right bags will be trashed this October.



3 thoughts on “Trash Talk

  1. MAGGOTS! Oh my god. Stench! Oh my god. Flies! Oh my god. Disease! Oh my god. Please God elect a new council!

    1. Obiviously not a fisherman. 🙂 And your religion must be respected. Let us hope your god hears you and comes up with the same conclusion the article does. 🙂

    2. Hey Northwest, science would back you up. To maintain a healthy organism, the diseased portion has to go otherwise it eventually dies.

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